Where to begin the journey of self-development?

There’s a funny thing about life – it doesn’t come with a manual. When a child is born, there’s no guidebook that says, “These are the right directions, and avoid all the others.” Sure, we have ethical and moral standards, parental love, and even religious texts that highlight better approaches to life. But still, there are countless small details that can be difficult to put together for a successful outcome. People with more life experience can certainly offer valuable insights, but even that isn’t always pulletproof. What may be a remedy for one person could be poison for another.

Here, I share with you what I’ve experienced and observed in life. I don’t recommend blindly accepting anything, but rather to look, test, and recognize whether it resonates with you.

 
Where to begin your personal development journey?

When you look at this question, it brings up several follow-up questions. For example: where to begin – what does this imply, is there only one approach, or is it like a house with many doors from which I can enter? Or who is this “self” that needs to grow? Or the journey itself – is it something simple, or how does this journey work, and how do I know if I’m on the right or wrong path, etc.? There are indeed many questions here.

I have discovered, both from looking at my own life and observing others, that there are three major ways to begin your journey, which may serve as a small guide for you:

  • You realize that something in your life is not right, and it feels like you’re not living your own life but someone else’s. This could stem from always thinking of others, giving the very last of yourself for their well-being, while leaving yourself completely out of the good that you offer or bring into their lives. At this point, you may feel the need for change.
  • You realize that where the majority or masses are heading is not for you. This might come from a well-intentioned desire to listen to parents, elders, or even those who love you and always wish the best for you. Yet deep down, you feel that everything they are saying does not resonate with you – it leaves you cold or even stirs up defiance and resistance.
  • You realize that something feels missing, an unfulfilled need to move towards something, to do or accomplish something, but you don’t know how or what you should be doing. Sometimes this can lead to depression, apathy, a lack of interest, or immense striving, proving yourself, and eventual burnout – trying to find something that would give meaning, fill you up, or bring you peace.

 

These three options may not all be present in your life at the same time; sometimes one is more prominent, and after some time, the second and third may become active, and they can even cycle in turns. I haven’t found any pattern that suggests these are the only possibilities, but when looking at the bigger picture, I’ve discovered that all three of these options tend to appear, to varying degrees, at different moments in life.

My personal development journey began at the point of “Realizing that where the majority goes, or where the masses are headed, is not for you.” This moment occurred during a theoretical mathematics class at university. The teacher walked into the classroom and announced an unexpected test. Well, fine, let’s get it done. The tests were handed out, and I read through it from start to finish to figure out whether I could manage or if I’d need to get creative. At that moment, something shifted within me. Instead of focusing on the test, I looked up and started observing my fellow students around me. Since I attended evening classes, the room was filled not only with students but also with working adults. I noticed the group of people divided into three categories. The first group consisted of those who immediately understood what to do and calmly worked through the test. The second group, which I mostly belonged to, was sweating through the answers on the spot. The third group included a student next to me who was cheating, despite it being forbidden. I watched these three groups for a while until, at one point, I began projecting where I was today into the future – something I had never done with such seriousness before. It might sound cliché, but I realized that if I studied well, got good grades, found a good job, and worked for 40+ years, only then could I start enjoying life. It was a major wake-up call, and suddenly, like a lightning from nowhere, I heard the thought in my mind, “This is not for me.” As a result, I took the test, walked up to the teacher’s desk, and said, “This is not for me.” I’ve never seen such a surprised face before, but I knew I didn’t need to explain anything further. And so, I walked out of the classroom. As a result of that moment, I realized that I needed to take control of my own growth and take responsibility for my life.

 
What are the different possibilities for personal development?

Today, I won’t touch on the subject of who this “self” is that wants to develop, but there’s great potential hidden here. In a general sense, we can look at various approaches, such as developing your knowledge and skills in areas like spirituality, health, physical body, relationships, learning itself, or finances. There might be other areas that are important to you. In summary, there are no good or bad areas, and wherever you are in life right now is a good place to start. I understand, “good” may be putting it mildly, especially when suffering is great, but it doesn’t have to be that way – we don’t have to live in suffering.

When I reflected on how these areas have appeared in people’s lives in the first place, I began to wonder why they chose one area over another and then focused on it. From this, I came to two conclusions: 1) a strong pull toward engaging in that specific area or 2) the most pressing pain is in that area, and the problems have become unavoidable, making it necessary to take action. In later years, I realized this is connected to the subconscious part of our lives, which is divided into two aspects – pleasures and pains. Pleasures draw us toward all that is good because they affirm life, while pains act like a friendly kick in the butt, urging us to start developing new knowledge and skills in that particular area.

 
How to Start Your Personal Development Journey?

I clearly remember the moment I walked out of that theoretical mathematics class. It felt unbelievable, even to me, that I had actually done something like that. Doubts crept in – should I go back? But at the same time, I experienced a deep sense of security, knowing that I would be okay. In the days, weeks, and months that followed, I had the time to reflect on myself and explore what truly interested me in life. What draws me in? What excites or intrigues me? What problems do I need to solve? All this without the influence of others – without input from family, friends, acquaintances, coworkers, classmates, or societal expectations. It felt as though, for the first time in my life, I was genuinely interested in my own well-being.

 
Exercise

Let’s start simple, and I hope you maintain this simplicity when answering the questions below. Be sincere with yourself here – show genuine interest in your own well-being. Answer with a sincere heart, and don’t let doubts arise. Even if they do, continue without them.

Before answering the questions, take a piece of paper and a pen, or use a digital notebook where you can write down your answers.

 

Questions to help discover your interests:

  1. What activities do I enjoy?
  2. What activities come naturally to me?
  3. What activities would I do for free, even if I were offered money?
  4. For which activities have I received positive feedback from others?
  5. What have I always wanted to explore or learn, but never found the right moment for?

 

Question to help identify problematic area(s):

  1. What topics or tasks do I tend to avoid?

 

If the answers came easily to you, that’s great. Over the next few days, weeks, and months, review and expand upon your answers. This is where the journey we spoke of begins to unfold. If one of the activities you’ve listed speaks to you the most or inspires you more than the others, focus on that area. Explore, learn, and immerse yourself in it. Allow the journey that has opened to guide you – perhaps this is where the art of living truly lies?

Jaga: